#freedom

I know we have all done it and seen it.....putting on that fake smile daily to hide the pain underneath. That is exactly where I was a couple of months ago.  The last four years have not gone how I thought they should go.....and accepting that has been hard.


At this point, I thought I'd be married again with another kiddo.....and have that family.  Be in a job that truly made me happy and just "have my life together", in general.  What does that even mean....having your life together? I can't even answer that question for myself because I painted such a different picture in my head of what life would be right now.


I have been shit on so much over the last 4 years(mostly by guys....thanks for that).....but with each broken relationship and all the pain I faced.....I got through it.  But Lord.....does it wear on ones soul. 


I decided to get back into a therapist, which has been a life changer for me.  Instead of focusing on all the things I feel like I fail at.....I look at all my blessings. God has been so incredibly good to my little family.  We have everything we need, I have wonderful kids, and we are surrounded by phenomenal people.


 I've started exercising....which has made the biggest difference in my life.  I seriously thought I was going to have to go on anti depressants....which isn't what anyone wants. Since I've started my exercise routine, my mood has changed drastically.


The gym has been more than just a "stress reliever" for me.  It has brought back my confidence, brought new, amazing, friends in my life, and made me feel so much better about myself.  Something so small, that I continued to put off, has made a tremendous difference for me.


I was in a place where I was surrounded by people that loved me, yet felt so isolated. I didn't want to get out of bed, I cried almost daily, and I was just a miserable human being.  I am learning to love myself again, which is so damn hard to do sometimes.


No one is perfect and EVERYONE goes through the "finding themselves" phase.....and at different times in life.  It's ok not to be okay sometimes. It really is, but it is not the end and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If someone says they've never struggled in life, quite frankly they are lying.


Divorce is a hard thing.  I still struggle with the aftermath of it.....even four years later.  Something that defined you for years.....isn't that easy to forget.  And finding yourself is a daily task.  New normal isn't always easy....but for me it's been a blessing.

I am thankful that my smile is genuine now.  I am in a good place and I will continue to march forward with my head held high.  God knows the desires of our hearts....and he will fulfill them in His timing.  Until then, I will be happy and continue to live my life and be thankful for everything I have. I truly am living in freedom now.

#epidemic

Based on this picture, I'm sure many of you can guess what this post is going to be about.  It may not be exactly what you think.....but it'll be close.  How many of you have seen this picture pop up on Facebook or even been "victims" of this sad trend? {Raises Hand}

Dating nowadays is complicated......waaaay more complicated than it should be.  Over the past four years since my divorce I have been appalled at how disgusting we treat each other.....all for the sake of "saving face".  I'm going to drop some pretty hard truth bombs in here...so hang on tight.

Ghosting.....this is probably one of the worst ways to treat someone you've been seeing or talking to.  Sadly....this is a huge epidemic in our dating culture.  I've been guilty of it and I've also been the victim of it. And let me tell you...this hurts more than being told that someone "isn't into you" or "me and the ex are getting back together."  Seriously people.....grow a pair and tell someone the TRUTH instead of hiding behind your phone.  You may think it prevents feelings from getting hurt, but I assure you that is the furthest thing from the truth.

Personally,  if you ghost me....I'll take the hint and send a thank you for the good times and I wish you the best text.  This lets the person on the other end of the phone know that I know what they are doing.  Usually don't get a response, but that's ok.  I've called them out in my own nice way. 

If you find yourself ghosting people a lot.....get out of the dating world.  You clearly aren't ready for any kind of emotional investment in ANYONE. If it's too hard for you to be honest with someone when a small amount of emotional investment is there....you definitely aren't ready for a full commitment to anyone.  You have to be able to be honest with someone at a basic level....even if it's uncomfortable. Do some soul searching and treat others the way you would want to be treated.

With the trend of Tinder, Bumble, POF.....pick your poison....it seems so easy for people to just move right along to their next victim.  No one truly takes the time or puts in the effort to get to know someone.  The second anyone catches feels....they run.  Why? I'll never know.  It is OKAY to have feelings for someone, it's ok to like someone.....it's not okay to play the field and collect your "jar of hearts" along the way.

We were less cowardly in high school and middle school.  Remember the "check yes or no" letters...or just telling someone "no" when they asked you out.  Social media and texting have completely stripped us of our ability to "emote" the way we need to.  Back then you couldn't just "avoid" someone and get away with it.  Treat each person you are talking to like you are looking them in the face and like they are a real human being with feelings.

The grass isn't always greener.  Those who continue to drop people and move right along to the next person without any regard to the feelings of the original person are trying to fill a void or hole inside of themselves.  If you've been ghosted, you aren't the one with the deficiency....the other person is.  Think about this.....would you really want to be with someone that can't properly express their emotions?  What does this say about their character? They run when things get hard or get intense.  You do NOT want this for any period of time. 

We all deserve someone that gives us the attention we need.  There shouldn't be begging or games.  No one should have to wait by their phone for hours to see if their man will text back.  Cut the crap and don't play the games.  If you like someone, communicate freely with them.  That absolutely does not make you crazy.  This wait "3 days before texting" or "wait a couple hours to text them back" is a bunch of BS.  We create these stupid rules....for what?  Because we are afraid to actually like someone? Because we don't want to be seen as needy?

I assure you....texting or talking on the phone with someone without rules does not make you look needy.  That being said.....sending someone 20 texts in a row....yeah...that's needy.  But texting or calling someone on a regular basis is not needy at all.

God has a plan for all of us. But we have to be ready and we also have to be willing to recognize a toxic situation and leave.  If they play games with you....I assure you....they are not the one.  If they string you along....I assure you....they are not the one.  Like I said before, if you are the perpetrator of treating others in the dating world like crap.....take a break.  You just aren't ready. 

I'm going to hop off of my soap box for now.  I am tired of seeing my friends get hurt and I am tired of being hurt as well.  Be the change....act like a gentleman or lady and this dating world will be a much better place. 



#friendshipgoals

I'm in a state of reflection and awe tonight at the amazing people God has led into my life.  Definitely emotional as I sit back and think about the absolutely amazing friends I have in my life.  It is so easy to take these people for granted, but I am reminded constantly about how truly blessed I am.




I am a very introverted person by nature.  It takes a lot for me(maybe even a couple beers) for me to really carry on a conversation with a new person.  Making friends hasn't always been so easy for me.  Once that connection is there, it's amazing how your relationship with another person blossoms.




Being a momma(and a single one at that) makes it very difficult for me to find the time to see my friends as much as I want to.  But my core group gets it.  They don't get mad at me when I can't come see them.....they patiently wait until we can go on our next adventure. Not all my friends are parents either....I have several single friends that respect my time and motherhood.....and that love my children like their own.




Each friendship is so uniquely different....but what we both need. I have my 2am "ditch" friend, my 3am "I found out my SO is cheating on me and I can't sleep so let's go to Waffle House friend", my friends I call when I'm having relationship trouble or need advice, my mom/playdate friends, my very logical friends(who have talked me off a few ledges), my friend that texts me "Good Morning"(every single day...which means the world to me), and my friends I only see from time to time....but we pick right back up where we left off. 




Being a single mom can be lonely....I won't lie.  But each friend I have makes the loneliness easier and are so vital to my life. I know I always have someone there for me when I need them. With each season of life, friends come and go....and the ones that have stayed throug each season with me...you are amazing.




All of my friends care so much for my children as well.   My children adore each and every one of my friends.  They are included in plans....and we even go on trips with them sometimes.  My children having these positive influences in their life is so important to me, and I am forever grateful for the impact my tribe has on my littles.




These people have helped mold me into the woman I am today....and I can not thank them enough.  The imprint you all have made on my life is incredible and you will forever be my people.  Thank you for all you do.....love ya'll!

#Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed....such a big word we use on the daily.  Most of the time it has a very negative connotation. I know as a single mom I feel overwhelmed every day. Being a momma, working, house work, and just life in general can cause us to carry a huge burden.

The definition I'm hanging onto for overwhelmed is "to overcome completely in mind or feeling."  God has really overwhelmed me with love and blessings over the last couple of months.  It has been so easy for me to get down.....between a terrible breakup, crazy work/life balance, and now a car wreck I have been overwhelmed with stress and the feeling that my life is never going to be "together.".


I got asked this week what it would look like if my life was together.  I couldn't answer because I don't even know.  Which really was eye opening.....craving something that you don't have a definition or expectation for.  In that moment, I was hit by an overwhelming sense of how BLESSED I truly am.

My kids....I could go on for DAYS about how incredible they are.  They are the light of my life and my joy.  That doesn't mean there aren't days they stress me out with the fighting or inevitable whining....but knowing their unconditional love for me just overwhelms me with joy.  It is amazing how these two little people can love such a "broken" person.  I am their momma and they know I'm here for them....and even in the hard moments they know my love for them is overflowing.


My family.....through every storm I have weathered they have been there.  It doesn't matter how many times I have fallen or disappointed them....they love me through it all.  I grew up in an amazing home with amazing parents.  My siblings are the absolute best.  From the help they give me with my kids when I am in a bind....to the solid advice my parents have....I am overwhelmed with the sense of love and security they give me.

My friends....since my divorce I have had to find my new tribe.  Let me tell you....that was not easy. I am an introvert to boot....and actually befriending someone was sooooo hard on me.  Some of come and gone.....but my group that has stayed around in my crazy life are priceless.  I know I can call them for anything and they have brought so much joy in my life and my kids life.  Some of them have kids....some don't.  The ones that don't, love on my kids like they are their own. (Note.....these are just a small portion of my friends.....if you aren't pictured please don't think I don't still love you! lol)

My goal right now is to focus on the positive. Life brings everyone storms and hardships....but if we really take a step back and look......we are all blessed.  God takes care of our every need(Matthew 6:25-34), mends our broken hearts(Psalm 147:3), and takes some of the load off our backs(Matthew 11:28-30). 


I know in my life He has beyond gracious in my brokenness.  I am will continue to be overwhelmed with His love and blessings in my life.  Doesn't mean I won't get down from time to time.....but I will continue to make it a priority to focus on the positive and win at this thing called life.

Cowboy Casanova

Ya'll know I generally have no issue putting my business out there....some of you may laugh, some watch and cringe, some judge.....but at the end of the day....I am who I am....and I share. I share in the hopes of helping someone else who has been through....or may start going through the things I have been through. I share and write to talk myself through situations.  It is what it is.


With that being said....onto the meat and potatoes of this post.......

He's a good time cowboy Casanova
Leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water
But he's candy-coated misery
He's the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes
And he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don't wanna fight
You better run for your life

Carrie Underwood's "Cowboy Casanova" perfectly describes my last long term relationship.  I am finally on the other side of that one....and it was a HOT mess.  Some of you watched it fall apart, some of you cheered me on.....and some of you literally watched me get back with this man numerous times and some of you felt my pain through the entire journey.

Point blank, I gave my heart and time to someone who didn't deserve me. I ignored EVERY gut instinct in me to run.....but I didn't.  I ignored every person that told me to stay away or end it. Why? I honestly don't even know. I wish I did.  He was charming and  I loved him.  It wasn't until I found out for sure that he was being unfaithful....that I finally was able to let go.

I will never understand how someone can look you in the face and tell you a bold face lie....even with the facts laid out in front of them.  That's when I knew I had to run. No one should allow someone else to make them feel crazy or that their feelings are not validated. You have feelings and a gut instinct for a reason.....and you need to listen to them.

Ladies, you are worth so much more than what you think.  A man should value you and respect you....period.  Don't put up the games, lies, manipulation, body shaming, disrespect.....etc.  That is not what God wants for us. Obviously I am guilty of allowing someone to treat me like that.....but out of this situation I am stronger....and I will have what God designed for me one day and so will you.

Stand up for what you want....don't settle for someone who doesn't give you the love and attention you deserve. Guard your heart and take things slow.

I had my final conversation with this man tonight.....and confirmation that my eyes are open to what he's done and that I am strong enough to stay away.  I have yet to get a sincere apology from him for what he did. I was even asked to apologize to him because I made him mad when I reacted to finding out he had cheated.  Do NOT apologize for your reaction to THEIR bad behavior(thank you for that quote...you know who you are).   I have forgiven him and moved on. And you know what....I'm okay with the fact that he hasn't apologize.  I realize it's a deep rooted issue inside of HIM and not me.

Dating is HARD and all of us single ladies know the struggle.  Don't just be with someone to have someone.  Wait.....and Lord knows I'm just about the most impatient person around..  Be still and know that God has this and will lead the right man into your life  Love on your kids(if you have them), go out with your friends, start a new hobby, find yourself.....just enjoy life. 

We all have so much to be thankful for.....and today I am thankful for tough lessons.  I am thankful for my stubbornness....I don't always do it the easy way.  God has brought me through so much pain....but I come out stronger on the other side each and every time. Love yourself, ladies.  One day....your prince will come.

#metoo

I sit here....with a lot of anxiety....scared to share my story.  My Facebook feed has been flooded with "me too" this week....and it's been completely overwhelming.  I made a conscious decision not to make that a status on my Facebook page.  The shame and guilt is still very real 14 years later.


And then God decided that in church today, I needed to hear a message related to #metoo.  He definitely brought to the surface the struggle I still face with the sexual abuse I endured when I was just 15....by a stranger.  I don't think about it as often as I used to, but the pain is still there in the back of my mind. 


I was the woman in church that wanted to walk up and leave.....but PJ encouraged those of us that were "triggered" to stay.  So I stayed.  I was also the girl that knew she needed prayer this morning....but was too scared to get up and go. I hid my tears from the world....but the second I got in my car, they came pouring down my face.


Now I sit here writing a blog post....that I am going to share with what seems to be the world.  I have literally been overwhelmed with "share" in my head all day.  And I feel like I am supposed to share my story, my struggle, and my triumph over this beast.


My closest friends and family know my story.  But not everyone does.  I don't keep it a secret, but it's also not something I blast to the world....until today.  I am hoping God can use my testimony to help someone else that has been through the pain  I have endured.  It's crazy how one evil act can completely wreck your life.


When I was 15 I was molested on a school trip by a stranger.  My innocence was completely taken and I felt so much shame and guilt. I had to face him just hours after it happened at a dance....and it ruined my entire night.  A trip that was earned and that I worked hard for was completely destroyed by one man. That is what I think back to when I think of this trip....not the fact that me and my friend won Nationals...not that fact that Chicago is an amazing city.  I think of him. 


I don't know his name and he was never found.  But I remember his face clear as day.  I will never forget it. He took away my innocence, he took away my self worth....it felt like he took away everything from me.


I didn't tell anyone until we got home and I will never forget my dad holding my while I bawled my eyes out on our back porch.  My parents were amazing through the whole process.  I had to write a letter to the organization about what happened, had to share what happened with the chaperone, and had to relive it all again just days after it happened.  That was so hard.


My parents encouraged me to go talk to a therapist, but I refused because I thought I was "ok". But I was not.  Just a few short months later I developed an eating disorder.  This was my release for the pain that I felt inside. I dealt with my eating disorder in the shadows for 8 years before I finally got help. My behavior at home also shifted.  I was very hard on my parents and started becoming rebellious. 


Before this happened to me I had started a journal to mgy future husband.  Innocent, naïve and beautiful.  I stopped writing in it after I was assaulted because I was ashamed.  I felt like no one could love me or accept me after that.  What I was supposed to give to him was gone. 


I also stopped going to church after I left my parents house.  I felt like I was "forced" to go after that and I was so very angry with God.  How could he let this happen to me? Why me? I questioned his love for me.



Those were some of the darkest times of my life.  I was "wild" in college....proving that if anyone was going to touch me it was my choice.  I went down a very dark road. I also struggled with depression. 


The turning point for me was when I finally got help.  It took me over 6 months to tell my therapist about what happened to me.  I was just there for my eating disorder, so I thought.  And finally one day it came out.....and she told me she had been waiting for me to tell her about that.  I didn't even realize that my eating disorder and the abuse I endured went hand in hand.


She had me write a letter to my abuser.  I had to tell him how he made me felt, how he had affected my life....etc.  I had no idea the impact that had on my life until I finished my six page letter(front and back) to him. That was the moment I realized it wasn't my fault....and I finally felt relief.  And I forgave this man.


What happened to me still affects me in my relationships.  I don't trust like I should, I haven't always picked the best guys because I didn't feel worthy of someone amazing, and I get triggered very easily and pull away.


The worst thing that has happened to me was something I have been able to use to help others.  I've met so many men and women that have been through what I've been through.  I've been able to connect with them and be their support.


This world we live in is so scary. But something I learned this morning....it's been like that since the beginning of time.  Our lack of respect for each other has got to stop.  Objectification of women has to stop.  We are treasures to be won....not toys for someone's pleasure. 


14 years later, I am okay.  I am soooo much stronger than what I used to be and God is an active part of my life.  This morning made me feel not so alone in my struggle.  I don't let my abuser define me anymore.

Please know that you are not alone in your struggle.  You are not alone in the pain and you can overcome.  You are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are a child of God.  Hold tight to that and Him.  I loved the quote from church this morning "you are a fierce love." We are a force to be reckoned with.  God has great and big things planned for you.  Don't let anyone else, but Him define you.

-B

It Takes a Village

Being a mother is the most rewarding and challenging thing I have ever done.  I think most of you moms can agree with that statement.  It has it's ups and downs and brings incredible joy to our lives.

I have been a single mom for a little over three years now.  And let me tell you....it's been my biggest challenge yet. Raising little people...especially primarily on your own...isn't as easy as it sounds.

I am very thankful that my kids father and step mother are involved in their lives.  I can't imagine what my kids lives would be like without them.  One of the huge blessings that came out of a rough situation.  There was a time when the co-parenting relationship wasn't the best.  It's taken a lot of work and patience to get to where we are.  I can say that both sides are proud of that.  Remember.....it's about the kids and not you.

As a single mom I struggle....a lot.  Juggling extracurricular activities, homework, baths, work, and just trying to balance life in general can take a toll.  There are days I wonder how I get it all done....and most of the time I don't know how I did.   When there is only one of you....managing all of that can be so overwhelming. 

I have made it this far by the grace of God....no joke.  He has been a huge part in helping me keep it all together....and helping me not fall to pieces on the hard days.  Without Him I would be sooooo lost.  He has intervened in so many situations in our lives and opened doors I couldn't have imagined possible. 

My family has also played a huge role in keeping me sane.  There have been many phone calls to my momma on a bad day(most of the time crying)....and I can just vent and get her advice.  She raised seven kids....her advice is pretty sound.  They have also helped me juggle some of the crazy scheduling that I have going on. 

My friends are seriously some of the best people you will ever meet....for real.  They have been there with me through some really challenging times in my life....and keep me uplifted and happy.  Without them....I would be so incredibly lost. Everyone needs a core group of momma friends to get them through life.

I have some incredible kids and it just blows my mind that I've been a momma to them for almost a decade(yes....I'm telling my age lol). They are smart, sweet, understanding, and can make the stress of a bad day go away with one hug or "I love you". It's hard to believe that I have a hand in who they have become....because they are AMAZING.

Single mom life ain't easy....but I'm making it one day at a time. And if you are a single mom....remember...you ARE good enough, you are strong enough, and you are amazing. Sometimes it's hard to forget those things.....but they all ring true.  Your kids love you and don't see the flaws you feel like you have.  Keep calm and single mom on!




P.S. Don't forget about the discount and giveaway from Pretty Little Primitives!  Go here to check it out....ends tomorrow night!  Hurry before it ends!