#purpose

As per usual.....it's been awhile since I've blogged.....but I'm back for now.  Maybe just for this post? Who knows.....welcome to my life.


Purpose....something I think we all struggle and strive to find in our lives.  I know for me, it's always been a struggle.  I've definitely had purpose as a mother, wife(many years ago....), daughter, friend, student, employee.....etc....but knowing God's purpose for me has been something I have struggled with for years.


We all want to leave out of this world knowing we have accomplished great things, but it seems we are too busy and distracted to do just that. Today, twice, God has been trying to speak to me about listening to Him....and seeking my purpose.  Not just my day to day purpose....but the purpose and plan that He has laid out for me.


I've been a Christian since I was in my preteens.  I have served in church and done "all the things".....but none of them were my purpose.  They were what came easy to me.  I don't think that is God's design for me.  He has given all of us such unique skills, and often times we never ask Him what they are.  I am so guilty of it.


Today in church we talked about God's presence.  The one point that stuck out to me is "In His presence, you will find your purpose."  This hit me hard and made me tear up.  For years I feel like I've just been floating through life "getting through it".  I generally think I am a good person.....but I know I was designed for so much more.


It's hard to think that God would want to use such a broken person.  I mean heck....I've been divorced, had an eating disorder, got pregnant out of marriage, struggled with depression, struggled with sexual immorality, and to use my "go to" quote....I love Jesus, but I curse a little.  What I was reminded of today is that God wants to use the terrible things in our past for His good. I was also reminded to not let Satan hold me captive in my past. 


I think it's in our nature to want to have a purpose in life.  Wanting and doing are two completely different things.  Letting go of fear(fear is a liar...if you didn't know)....and being still and listening to God, will ultimately show us our purpose.  This world needs purpose driven people, changing lives.


That absolutely does not mean we should all go around thumping people over the head with the Bible.  How many times has that worked for us?  We are called to love and serve EVERYONE.  Period.  We are called to live our lives as a light for Him.  I feel like I have such a long way to go to get where I need to be, but at the end of the day, He is meeting me right where I am.


So tonight, my prayer is to find my purpose.  Who am I? Why do I exist? What am I to do?  All questions that I need to seek answers for and pray about.  I need to allow time in my day to truly listen to Him......everyday.  Time to slow down.....and prioritize the things in my life.  I know I was created for more and can not wait to see my story unfold. I pray that you find your purpose as well.  I want to see the world change.....how about you?

#freedom

I know we have all done it and seen it.....putting on that fake smile daily to hide the pain underneath. That is exactly where I was a couple of months ago.  The last four years have not gone how I thought they should go.....and accepting that has been hard.


At this point, I thought I'd be married again with another kiddo.....and have that family.  Be in a job that truly made me happy and just "have my life together", in general.  What does that even mean....having your life together? I can't even answer that question for myself because I painted such a different picture in my head of what life would be right now.


I have been shit on so much over the last 4 years(mostly by guys....thanks for that).....but with each broken relationship and all the pain I faced.....I got through it.  But Lord.....does it wear on ones soul. 


I decided to get back into a therapist, which has been a life changer for me.  Instead of focusing on all the things I feel like I fail at.....I look at all my blessings. God has been so incredibly good to my little family.  We have everything we need, I have wonderful kids, and we are surrounded by phenomenal people.


 I've started exercising....which has made the biggest difference in my life.  I seriously thought I was going to have to go on anti depressants....which isn't what anyone wants. Since I've started my exercise routine, my mood has changed drastically.


The gym has been more than just a "stress reliever" for me.  It has brought back my confidence, brought new, amazing, friends in my life, and made me feel so much better about myself.  Something so small, that I continued to put off, has made a tremendous difference for me.


I was in a place where I was surrounded by people that loved me, yet felt so isolated. I didn't want to get out of bed, I cried almost daily, and I was just a miserable human being.  I am learning to love myself again, which is so damn hard to do sometimes.


No one is perfect and EVERYONE goes through the "finding themselves" phase.....and at different times in life.  It's ok not to be okay sometimes. It really is, but it is not the end and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If someone says they've never struggled in life, quite frankly they are lying.


Divorce is a hard thing.  I still struggle with the aftermath of it.....even four years later.  Something that defined you for years.....isn't that easy to forget.  And finding yourself is a daily task.  New normal isn't always easy....but for me it's been a blessing.

I am thankful that my smile is genuine now.  I am in a good place and I will continue to march forward with my head held high.  God knows the desires of our hearts....and he will fulfill them in His timing.  Until then, I will be happy and continue to live my life and be thankful for everything I have. I truly am living in freedom now.

#epidemic

Based on this picture, I'm sure many of you can guess what this post is going to be about.  It may not be exactly what you think.....but it'll be close.  How many of you have seen this picture pop up on Facebook or even been "victims" of this sad trend? {Raises Hand}

Dating nowadays is complicated......waaaay more complicated than it should be.  Over the past four years since my divorce I have been appalled at how disgusting we treat each other.....all for the sake of "saving face".  I'm going to drop some pretty hard truth bombs in here...so hang on tight.

Ghosting.....this is probably one of the worst ways to treat someone you've been seeing or talking to.  Sadly....this is a huge epidemic in our dating culture.  I've been guilty of it and I've also been the victim of it. And let me tell you...this hurts more than being told that someone "isn't into you" or "me and the ex are getting back together."  Seriously people.....grow a pair and tell someone the TRUTH instead of hiding behind your phone.  You may think it prevents feelings from getting hurt, but I assure you that is the furthest thing from the truth.

Personally,  if you ghost me....I'll take the hint and send a thank you for the good times and I wish you the best text.  This lets the person on the other end of the phone know that I know what they are doing.  Usually don't get a response, but that's ok.  I've called them out in my own nice way. 

If you find yourself ghosting people a lot.....get out of the dating world.  You clearly aren't ready for any kind of emotional investment in ANYONE. If it's too hard for you to be honest with someone when a small amount of emotional investment is there....you definitely aren't ready for a full commitment to anyone.  You have to be able to be honest with someone at a basic level....even if it's uncomfortable. Do some soul searching and treat others the way you would want to be treated.

With the trend of Tinder, Bumble, POF.....pick your poison....it seems so easy for people to just move right along to their next victim.  No one truly takes the time or puts in the effort to get to know someone.  The second anyone catches feels....they run.  Why? I'll never know.  It is OKAY to have feelings for someone, it's ok to like someone.....it's not okay to play the field and collect your "jar of hearts" along the way.

We were less cowardly in high school and middle school.  Remember the "check yes or no" letters...or just telling someone "no" when they asked you out.  Social media and texting have completely stripped us of our ability to "emote" the way we need to.  Back then you couldn't just "avoid" someone and get away with it.  Treat each person you are talking to like you are looking them in the face and like they are a real human being with feelings.

The grass isn't always greener.  Those who continue to drop people and move right along to the next person without any regard to the feelings of the original person are trying to fill a void or hole inside of themselves.  If you've been ghosted, you aren't the one with the deficiency....the other person is.  Think about this.....would you really want to be with someone that can't properly express their emotions?  What does this say about their character? They run when things get hard or get intense.  You do NOT want this for any period of time. 

We all deserve someone that gives us the attention we need.  There shouldn't be begging or games.  No one should have to wait by their phone for hours to see if their man will text back.  Cut the crap and don't play the games.  If you like someone, communicate freely with them.  That absolutely does not make you crazy.  This wait "3 days before texting" or "wait a couple hours to text them back" is a bunch of BS.  We create these stupid rules....for what?  Because we are afraid to actually like someone? Because we don't want to be seen as needy?

I assure you....texting or talking on the phone with someone without rules does not make you look needy.  That being said.....sending someone 20 texts in a row....yeah...that's needy.  But texting or calling someone on a regular basis is not needy at all.

God has a plan for all of us. But we have to be ready and we also have to be willing to recognize a toxic situation and leave.  If they play games with you....I assure you....they are not the one.  If they string you along....I assure you....they are not the one.  Like I said before, if you are the perpetrator of treating others in the dating world like crap.....take a break.  You just aren't ready. 

I'm going to hop off of my soap box for now.  I am tired of seeing my friends get hurt and I am tired of being hurt as well.  Be the change....act like a gentleman or lady and this dating world will be a much better place.